Why Are Acts of Charity So Difficult?

Yesterday, I caught the last portion of the Amazing Race on CBS. The racers were in Indonesia. For the first time ever, there would be a double elimination, so abiding by all of the race rules was particularly important. One of the final challenges that teams had a choice between was called “Ticket Taker”. They were instructed to park motorcycles at a mall until they raised 15,000 rupiah. To receive the next clue, they had go to an Indonesian orphanage to deliver their money. A sign at the orphanage instructed them to give not only the money they collected from parking the bikes, but ALL of their money on hand. Only three out of the eleven teams in the race did this. The first three teams got knocked out of their top spots, and the fourth place team jumped into first.

This episode made me wonder, why is it so hard for us to give of ourselves when we are asked? This is not the first time I have seen people balk at giving when asked. I have seen it with friends and family while fundraising for the PSAA; I see it when people pass the homeless on the street; I have seen it in church; and I have seen it in countless other places. I am not immune here; I say no to people, too. So why do we do it?

The hesitancy to give back could be seen as very primitive thinking. Early humans, distrustful of others, see giving back and getting ahead as opposites. What’s in it for me is the opposite of what is in it for you. There is not a lot of thinking of community and a lot of polarizing, of creating the “other”. I believe this to be lower-level thinking, where charity, along with love, is a higher order virtue.

I also feel that it can be due to how often we are asked to give. A lot of the messaging related to giving makes us feel guilty about not giving, instead of being appreciative of what is given - even if just a promise to tell a friend. This dynamic can desensitize us to calls to give over time and make us feel less guilty about our inaction. Therefore, this messaging accomplishes exactly the opposite of what was intended.

Yet, the fear of the guilt dynamic and the knowledge of this resistance should not stop us who ask from asking people to give, or from giving. It might be about changing our messaging or showing more appreciation for what is given.

The difficulty in obtaining donations highlights how the hard or unpopular path is very often the right one. The hardest things in life often have the greatest payoffs, and the path of least resistance often bears no fruit. Examples abound, such as childbirth, asking someone out, saying no to or quitting drugs, leaving a toxic relationship, or starting a business. What if our ancestors never chose to have children? We would not be alive. What happens when a battered spouse lacks the courage to leave? She could get killed. Yet, this is the path of least resistance, so we often stick to it. I believe that the path of encouraging my fellow human beings to give charitably is not one to be abandoned, but one to be traveled fearlessly.

Let’s soften our hearts and not be afraid to give when asked. The payoff might not be immediately in sight, or even a short while behind - as was the case for our Amazing Racers. The payoff may be many years later, or even in another generation. Still, each act of giving does have value, as it helps society as a whole to get ahead.

While I am at it, would you consider a donation to Periclean Scholars? Even the smallest amount will make that difference. I thank you for considering an act of charity on behalf of your fellow human beings.

What do you think? Why do you think we are so hesitant to give - even when the stakes for giving more are high, such as with our Amazing Racers?